Friday, 31 January 2014

New year old me!

Here I am again pushing my unsteady way In to 2014.
So what's happening in my life?
Not a lot different to what was happening last year to be honest, the fight and the uncertainty goes on with this government and each new thing that I become aware of shocks me that little bit more....
How can we have a government that is so reviled by its own people that it feels the need for armed guards and water cannons to use against us?
How did it get to this? 
Why are we all still talking about it and doing no more than watching? Apathy? The 'it hasn't affected me yet' mentality?
 I truly do despair on a regular basis at what we have become, what we are allowing and what the future may hold.
As to me personally I have fought and continue to fight where I can, I faced and eventually won the ESA battle twice and am now in support group for the foreseeable future, this has taken some stress away from my own situation although with DLA to PIP looming it's likely to be short lived.
I also fought my corner with my local council regarding the hated bedroom tax, I fully expected to be told 'tough luck' but instead I was listened to by a helpful gentleman who told me although government had rushed this hated law through there was actually very little guidance for the councils and many grey areas were now being challenged.
I challenged it on the basis that firstly my house needed the second room for people to stay and care for me when hubby goes away to his dads and also the adaptations that are here specifically for my use. 
More form filling followed my conversation with council and they came down in my favour! 
To say I was surprised would be an understatement as I had only decided to query this after Cameron stood up in parliament and stated quite clearly that disabled people were exempt from the charge which we all know is a lie. 
It's the small (and not so small) victories that keep me going and I have learned to question and challenge anything and everything that seems wrong or unfair, you never know, some you lose but some you may well win.
As to my health these days I have good days when I only drop a few things and days when nothing is safe anywhere near me!
Pain has sadly become an accepted way of life and I count myself lucky on days when only a few of my joints hurt.
 I know pain is your bodies way of telling you that you have pushed too hard or tried to do too much etc, I do try to listen to it I really do but it has a way of shouting at me at the most Inopportune times and so often gets ignored :-)
We have now lived in our new home for 9 months and the difference it has made to me mentally still amazes me, I still find myself looking around and thinking 'is this really mine?' 
It is so perfect and we are so happy here there's that awful small part of me that is waiting for something dreadful to happen and take it away from me!
Why do we do that to ourselves!
We just can't quite believe we are deserving of good things that happen and we can't help ourselves as we worry about it being ruined or taken away from us.
I do try so hard to believe in myself and enjoy the good things when they happen but that little niggling fear is so ingrained in us it's always present.
Weekend just gone Trevor and I celebrated 40 years of marriage, yes our Ruby anniversary. 
Yes we were both children when we got married and our families gave it 6 months, sheer stubbornness and hard work and one hell of a lot of give and take proved them wrong and we are still laughing, loving and arguing our way through life together.
I think the garden we have here has helped our marriage survive the past 9 months as that's where Trevor is to be found most days in sunshine, wind and rain.
He muddles his way through out there and has given us many laughs and I am sure there are many more to come this year. Like the 4 fruit trees he wanted, the advert said ' a mini orchard' which Trevor read as 'mini dwarf trees' only to find he now has 4 fruit trees already about 5' high that should be planted 10' apart in a garden that is no where near large enough to do that, but he will sort it out in his own way as he always does. 
And so my friends and readers of my ramblings we are in another year now and we must all push our way through it the best way we can, be kind to each other along the way, laugh as often as possible, cry when you need to and if possible find a shoulder to cry on as we all need that support at times.
Hang in there when times are tough and keep moving forward, one lesson I learned a while back is that nothing lasts forever, it all passes eventually.

1 comment:

feline9 said...

I did a big comment then wiped it!! hands too sore to do it all again, just really I am going to try my best to accept and enjoy every good thing, any bad things have a good cry, scream, or rant - do what needs to be done then move on. Done your best. Try to allow as little stress as possible to take root.
Keep smiling, take joy where you can, and give joy where you can, its your life and that bloody clock is ticking for all of us, everything can change in a heartbeat.
Love and hugs
Jackie xxx