Ramblings

I wanted to write a blog but actually have nothing specific to blog about at this time, so I'm going to ramble, follow my rambling if you wish. I was sitting here thinking about moods as I have found myself in quite a 'low' mood recently, no real reason for it but it's been one of those weeks where I find myself very tearful and irritable.This got me thinking about my old GP ( stick with it, you will see the relevance eventually) he was very old school, didn't suffer fools or time wasters but if you were genuine he would follow it through with you as far as he possibly could.lots of his patients would come out after seeing him and complain bitterly that he had been less than compassionate in his dealings with them and I heard the phrase 'terrible bed side manner' more than once but I was with him for over 30 years until he retired and can honestly say I respected and trusted him above all others. He saw me through two of the girls births, looked after them as all 3 grew up and has been to hell and back with me during the many traumas in my life. I remember him bowling into the examination room one day and knocking my 2 year old flying with the door and then checking her all over for damage he calmly turned to me and commented on her auburn hair and brown eyes, very unusual and an extremely pretty child he said and then without blinking an eye he was back to the gruff doctor examining me. As I said he saw me through some desperate times calmly, kindly and always with my welfare at heart. I can remember when we lost our home, I coped really well with the actual losing, the rehoming of my family and everything that goes with that kind of experience and when we were all safe and settled I went to see my GP as I was suddenly in absolute pieces, he offered to send me away for a few weeks? I certainly didn't understand this offer at the time and refused saying I wanted to stay with my family. There were also other occasions when he tried to get me to take anti depressants although many years later he wrote me out a prescription and handed it to me with the words 'but I know you will only do what you want to' and that's when I realised just how well he did know me!
When the girls were grown my eldest went to him one time with depression and he told her it ran in the family as I was a 'reactive depressive' well to me that's a fancy name for someone who reacts to bad things with a low mood, don't we all? I certainly don't know anyone who wouldn't react to something awful happening to them. He could have meant that my 'low moods' were more extreme or lasted longer, I really don't know but I never did take anti depressants. I always assumed I would bounce back and so far I have but I guess this mood I have found myself in this week set me to thinking about all this and wondering with all the changes that have been happening with my health, with the fear and stress being caused by all this changing of the benefits system and an uncertain future am I again entering what he would have called a 'reactive depression?' maybe I'm already in it, maybe these feelings of wanting to hide away, the tears and the irritability are signs I should have taken notice of already. But again I shall bounce back, no one and nothing keeps me down for too long, it never ceases to surprise me the inner strength we can use when times seem too hard. So not wishing to demean depression in any way I refuse to be labelled as such and will just carry on in my old sweet fashion as I always have.
*sigh*. Told you I was just rambling, if you have stayed with it then thank you. Lol.


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