Tuesday, 12 July 2011


Life is forever changing and I guess that is what keeps it interesting. I have decided that it's all about finding the right balance but it seems that every time I think I may have it right, it changes and I have to start the process all over again. I suppose life was easy as a child, your the child, you know your place in the family, the responsibility isn't really yours. As an adult that changes, you are responsible not only for yourself but if you have children of your own you take on the responsibility for them too. That's fine, I love my children, I cared for my children and hopefully I brought them up to be responsible adults, and there's that word again! When, if ever, do you stop being the responsible mother? Is there a cut off point? What if circumstances force the changes?
And when does a daughter become responsible for her parent(s)? My roles have all changed so much I'm no longer sure where I am in the grand scheme of things. I knew my girls would grow up, move away from home, have their own lives and families, great, that's the way it should be and one by one that is what happened.
We remained very close which was lovely as I get to see lots of my grandchildren, I was honoured to be at each grandchilds birth but still felt and acted very much the mother I had always been. They come to me for support, comfort, advice, after all mums know everything and can make almost everything better again can't you?
Those of you who regularly read my blogs will know that I am disabled, I hid this from my family for quite some time, they were unaware of the severity of my condition until quite recently. Why did I do this? Because I'm the mum and as far as I was concerned it was/is my place to protect them. So I battled on, probably far longer than I should have done, pretending I was ok, still attempting to do things for them that then had me in pain for several days after. It is now impossible to hide the condition from the girls any more and as I have become worse they have understandably wanted to help in any way they can, my youngest has just started coming around to 'look after me' on the days that Trevor goes out and to help with the housework that he just can't seem to get his head around. All 3 girls are caring, supportive and helpful as much as I will allow.
The other side of being mum of course was/is being a daughter and I am one of those too, a daughter who is having to adjust to the idea that my parents are getting older. The 3 bedroom house they had lived in for over 50 years was becoming too much for them to cope with, mums arthritis made the stairs dangerous and dad couldn't handle the garden anymore so a few months back we moved them into a bungalow, we redecorated it from one end to the other and handled the whole move, this was my first time of really having to face how dependent on me they were becoming. I had always done the running them to hospital appointments etc but hadn't really faced the fact they needed me now much more than the once a week shopping trip and the occasional trips out. Then dad was in hospital and it was really brought home to me, yes I am still their daughter, that will never change but our roles within that relationship has changed.
This daughter is having to take the role of protector, supporter and advisor for her parents now.
So now the mother is having to adjust to being cared for, supported and helped by her daughters and the daughter is having to adjust to being the carer, support and helper to her parents. It's all about balance and right this minute I'm not sure where mine is.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hark at you: balance! You've never been balanced cuz. Hee hee. Know what you mean though , this all goes back to roles we play doesn't it? Everytime you slip into a new role, you are allowing someone else the opportunity to discover a part of them they didn't know existed as they too pick up a new role. It's the very cyclical processes that life takes us through our lives. I wish I could have become my mum's carer, but my role was to stop being that daughter and adopt a new place as a daughter. Getting all deep so will shutup now. Embrace the change. X