If I allow myself to think about it life frightens me more now than at any time I can think of in the past. Because of my own changing circumstances? No, it's much deeper than that and generally I can keep the distress, the despair buried sufficiently for me to be able to exist in contented oblivion. Is that what you do too? Pretend not to notice? Bury the despair? live your day to day life on the surface in the comfort of your familiar routine and family life?
What if you stop for a moment and look and listen to what's happening outside your own protected life? Are you scared too? Do you wonder about man and his violence, our ability to be cruel?
On that unbelievable day 09/11 I was in counselling myself and remember asking my counsellor how I was supposed to feel/act, I remember being so numb at such an atrocity I couldn't understand why the world was still turning and people were still going about their daily lives. It felt to me as if something really fundamental had changed forever on that day. It reminded me of the day my grandad died, the curtains had been closed in the house out of respect and when I opened the door and walked out I half expected the street, people, things would be different because this awful thing had happened inside the house, but of course it was all just the same, people were going about their business as usual, cars and buses ran along the road as usual and shops were still open etc. 09/11 felt like that to me but on a much bigger scale, how were things ever going to be the same again?
It wasn't just the actuality of what had happened that scared me and played deeply into my mind, it was the thought of the people who had carried out these acts, how could anyone be so devoid of conscience? Lacking in feeling for their fellow man?
I guess up to this point I had always believed that people were basically good, that sometimes they may do bad things but that in every person however deeply it may be buried was a conscience. Ok I'm not naive enough to think this applies to every person but I was sure the majority would help their fellow man if the need arose. Now I was facing the possibility that this wasn't the case. Over subsequent years I have put this to the back of my mind until something else has happened where I have had to face it again. 7/7 is an obvious example and again mans cruelty was there for all to see and again I was reminded that life wasn't how I wanted it to be.
I didn't fear for my own safety and still don't, I fear more for my sanity when forced to face the realism that man will hurt man without thought, man will hurt man for personal gain without any conscience and man will hurt man for power, again with no conscience.
The media involved in the hacking scandal, the rich powerful media moguls, the ministers involved are all again making me rethink my belief that man is basically good. Untrustworthy, uncaring, thoughtless and out purely for personal gain no matter what the cost to others faces me every time I turn on the radio or television or even go on twitter, and it doesn't stop there, it's obvious that the man on the street believes he too has the right to adopt this attitude to his fellow man. This blog came about today because I read some comments this morning on an article about disabled/benefits and those comments showed clearly the arrogant, uncaring, self serving attitude of my fellow man who seem to believe that it is acceptable now to ignore, belittle and outright abuse others. I no longer ask "what is this world coming to"
I think I have seen the answer and I don't like what I see, not one little bit.
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